"No" means "2 minutes on the couch"

This year for Halloween Jakob was Max from Where the Wild Things Are which is both a favorite book of ours as well as something extremely timely with the movie having just come out. When we took Jakob to his daycare Harvest Fair we noticed something about his costume from this year as well as last year (he was an ewok last year). We walked in and found there were four little ones dressed as ewoks. We also received a lot of "Oh that's so cool" and "He looks just like Max!" Jakob looked at some of the "ewok impostors" with a "that is SOOOO last year" face. We were left with two feelings. On the one hand, we felt like we had unwittingly helped Jakob become a trend setter, and on the other hand we couldn't help but hope we will always have the ability to help Jakob feel special.

Like his Max costume, and thanks again to Marc's mom for again coming through and making something amazing for him, Jakob is anything but "off the rack." As his parents we have found ourselves trying, in the most healthy way possible, of giving him reinforcements that he's the next best thing to sliced bread.

With that mission, we've also had to help him understand structure, discipline and rules. Jakob is clever and finds new wonder in every moment of every day. With that also comes his testing of every boundary possible. Many of those situations end him up for two minutes on the couch with a few tears. But, we hope eventually he will understand that we don't put him there because he's a "bad kid" (because he's far from it) or because we don't care about every atom of every molecule that makes up who he is. That's been hard for us because we don't want to disappoint him, but at the same time don't want to spoil him.

Juggling discipline and happy moments has not been easy and when our parents said, "this is going to hurt me more than it's going to hurt you" we completely see where they were coming from. [Editor's note: Marc is pretty sure he heard his dad say at one point or another, "this is definitely going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me." :)]

But back to the Harvest Fair. We tend to cling to the feeling that every parent wants to have their child be the one in the spotlight, and between Kim's organization and Marc's creativity, we've had success in helping Jakob enjoy the limelight. The most interesting part of that is that even as much as we've tried to do (with a lot of help from God), he does so much on his own. He's a good looking kid and while we joke about him eventually becoming the world's first lawyer/band front man/model, we'll do everything we can to help him understand the possibilities are endless. He can do anything and he will do so much.

His dependence on his dwindles each day. Sure, there are times when he's overwhelmed or feeling over stimulated and he raises his arms and only one of us holding him will do. But, there are more and more other situations beginning to come to light where he wants down or wants to "do it" on his own. It's great to see that leadership ability coming through, but it's also a sign of things to come. It's a signal that eventually he'll want to practice the ball or instrument on his own, or go do something with just his friends or want to take the car keys and go it alone. That will be bittersweet.

So, we say all of that to say that so much can be summed up from just a Halloween costume, and it truly is the little moments that mean the most. Well, that and the fact that he's singing to songs, asking for original things (some of which we don't know how he knows about), making decisions about food and clothing and understanding just what "I love you" really means. That's not too shabby either.

More soon.